Give Me What Was Please

Towards life I am a pessimist, until it comes to romance. I will then paint a fantasy of what I crave over the reality that exists. I grasp onto it until I lose my sense of what is and what isn’t. Until I lose sense of what I can handle and what I cannot, until I no longer recall what it is like to be treated how I should be.

I repeat this cycle with you. I did not believe my heart had the capability to race at the thought of someone again. I did not believe I had the chance of a something with a someone again. I did not believe I could find that again.

But as the azure seeped into my locks under the gentle caress of your fingers, cracks appeared in the brick wall I had hastily constructed round this lonely heart of mine. As you showered me with kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, my chin, my neck, my shoulders…I learned just how much I craved what you so easily gave. The wall grew thinner and thinner as I let out my first genuine bouts of laughter after I had been struck by the chord of loneliness once I entered this beautiful temperate city I grew to call home. In all honesty, that loneliness has resided within me all along.

But as time went on I was left with those memories, and now I starve for what was and what I hope this to be. I shower you with affection while my bones begin to protrude and my cheeks you once kissed grow shallow. Don’t you understand, I will soon grow too weak to move my body if it is not nourished? I give and you take, from the well of my fondness I should shower upon someone who does the same for me. Don’t you understand, my well will run dry if its source is not replenished?

I grow weak.

And now I lay on my deathbed and the Reaper inches toward me hungering for a taste of my sweet bittersweet sorrow. I lay here, and I wonder, do I like you, or the semblance of what was?

I yearn to protect you. I yearn to know you. I yearn to care for you. You forget to quench my undying thirst for you and my hunger for you, but still I stay here waiting, thinking that perhaps you will remember.

I guess, if that is how I feel and I act, then I do

Like you.

my

decomposing carcass is

smiling

with the realization of it.